You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
