It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
