Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
