i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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