would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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