is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
