Are we in a gay sports bar?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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