i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
