Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I checked into jail on foursquare
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize