I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
