Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
