Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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