I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize