Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
