Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
