i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
