I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I would ride that face into the sunset
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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