Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
