God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
