I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize