how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Help me help you realize you are a moron
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
