i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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