Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
