I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
