you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
