there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
