FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
