can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
