I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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