Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
