He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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