why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
