2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dick very happy bro
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
