Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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