Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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