i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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