so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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