She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
