my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
