I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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