we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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