Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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