nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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