i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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