I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
