Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
