So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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