i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Even my vagina gasped.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
