He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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