I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
