I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
