OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize