My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
