So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
