So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
