i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
