well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
