you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Where is the hickey?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
