Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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