watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
