You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
