we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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