I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
