I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
