she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
