paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Im part way to drunk.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
