did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
