I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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