it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
