ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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