i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
