Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
