Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
