I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
