Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
