even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
