Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my phone needs a breathalizer
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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